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Your Self-worth Isn’t in Your Inbox

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Your Self-worth Isn’t in Your Inbox

A few years ago, writer Melissa Fabos wrote about answering emails. She shared how she was prioritizing her writing rather than a rapid email response, but what she says applies equally to other areas. At first, I bristled, because I’m a people pleaser, but I’ve realized that I don’t have to answer every email and, frankly, I can’t. I do my best to answer as many emails as possible. I try not to take too long to answer. I accept that I am human and sometimes I fall short. Extend that grace to yourself and others as well. Don’t let email bother you too much.

I have a great job in my field but I am sad because my boss is a nightmare. I’m currently looking for a new job, but it’s weird. Most opportunities are not “good” (well paid or long term) as the job I currently have, so interviewers want to know why I want to leave my “good” job just for fine. I think “my boss is a nightmare” would raise alarm bells, and some euphemistic version – “I have serious differences with my supervisor” – is hardly better. I don’t think it would be immoral to lie in this situation, but I can’t come up with a good lie. How can I answer this question?

– anonymous

It’s not unethical to obscure the truth about why you’re looking for new work. It is practical. You do not give out your personal business to potential employers. Just tell them you’re looking for a change of scenery or new challenges. If you want to tell some version of the truth, you can say that this is not the appropriate culture for your current job.

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I was recently fired for doing something I did early and never repeated after my supervisor brought it to my attention; Nevertheless, a lengthy investigation eventually called for automatic termination. Getting fired is never fun, and unfortunately this wasn’t my first experience, so I have to do extra personal work to move forward.

How do I best deal with inquiring friends, family, and, separately, potential employers when they ask what happened? Different parties have different answers; In a job interview I know it’s important to engage more honestly with the question, but with friends and family I find it rude to ask, and wonder if there’s any good way to express as much without losing my dignity. way. I’d love to get some advice on how to go about it.

– Anonymous, Palm Springs, Calif.

I hope you succeed in taking on that extra personal work. I know how difficult that kind of introspection and self-accountability can be. In the meantime, it’s up to you how you explain your job loss to friends and family. This Is rude to ask them; People are mindless and often feel entitled to information that is of no use to them.

You have a range of options. All you can say is that you don’t want to talk about it. Within whatever boundaries you set for yourself, you can present some version of the truth. With potential employers, tell the truth by highlighting how you’ve changed, what you’ve learned, and steps you’ve taken to not make the same mistake again. The truth, of course, will be a deal breaker for some employers, but I expect that the right employer will value your honesty and accountability and other professional qualities that you bring to their organization.

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roxane gay The author is, most recently, “Hunger” and a contributing opinion writer. write it here [email protected],

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